


Closure

by SheenaWilde



Series: My Choice. My Spirit. [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bittersweet, Bittersweet Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-10
Updated: 2016-11-10
Packaged: 2018-08-30 04:43:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8518954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheenaWilde/pseuds/SheenaWilde
Summary: Since the Inquisitor defeated Imshael and Michel de Chevin moved into Skyhold, he tried forgetting Imshael. But it seemed like he was unable to forget him. When he got assigned to work with Solas, he hoped that some active work would finally take his mind off him - he didn't expect that this friendship would take it in a completely different direction...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Last part of the series, finally finished. Those prompts/writing practices really helped me get going with this fanfic, so I was finally able to finish it.

At first it was strange to work with Solas – Michel didn’t know much about the mage outside of what Leliana had told him and what he could determine by passing by him a few times. Michel felt somewhat awkward at first, having to sit there and answer so many questions. Yes, he had used eluvians before and been to the Crossroads, and remembered most of the details, but he didn’t feel like he could answer the questions properly. He was a chevalier, a soldier, a warrior, not a mage, he had no insight to magical matters.

But as it turned out, he didn’t need to. Solas was perfectly content with what little he could tell him. And after a while Michel could perfectly relax in Solas’s presence. The elven mage reminded him of Felassan quite a bit, maybe with a bit less sarcasm… But Michel sometimes found himself smiling, genuinely smiling at one thing or another that Solas had told him, and it was a good thing, he had barely ever smiled honestly since… since Imshael had died. Michel got along quite well with Solas and felt like he found a friend in him.

Although his life still wasn’t perfect, the pain was still eating him up in every moment, despite his best efforts to forget. He wondered what would have happened if he faced Imshael at the Inquisitor’s side that day, if the demon would have acted the same way or pretended nothing had been between them beside rivalry. He somehow doubted the demon would have cared about hiding it… What would the Inquisitor have done then? Would he have slayed Michel as well, for being corrupted? But he wasn’t, was he?

“No, I can’t be still thinking about him, I have to forget. Why am I still torturing myself like this? I shouldn’t be thinking of him still, I have to get a grip…” a voice behind Michel started speaking softly. He and Solas were just going through some notes the Inquisitor found in some elven ruins about eluvians when it appeared, and Michel jumped up from his chair, startled. He turned around to face whoever the intruder was but blinked in confusion when he saw a tall, blond, very pale boy standing there, looking up at him from under the rim of his huge hat.

“Who are you? How did you- What did you just- Did you read my mind?” Michel managed to stutter, because if he wasn’t imaging it, the strange boy said out loud exactly what he was thinking…

“Ah, I take it you haven’t met Cole yet, Ser Michel” Solas said, smiling, before the boy could answer, and stood up, walking around the table so he could stop next to them. “Ser Michel, this is Cole, a close friend of the Inquisitor and also a spirit of the Fade living among us. He can hear our thoughts, yes, but you don’t have to be afraid of him.”

“I… see” Michel said slowly, watching Cole warily still. There’d been a whole in the sky, he’d been not-so-dedicatedly chasing a demon through half of Thedas, and the Inquisitor now had a spirit friend… He must be going mad.

“I heard your thoughts, they are loud, very loud, and painful” Cole started speaking again. “I thought you’ll heal after a while, because most people do, but you haven’t, keeping you up at night, keeping you alone, it’s still as painful as it has been since…”

“Enough!” Michel cried, although he regretted it immediately. He didn’t mean to be rude to the boy but he didn’t want him saying more. He glanced briefly at Solas who was watching him with mere curiosity, but didn’t seem to know anything. “Why are you telling me this? What do you want?”

“I want to help you” Cole said simply, honestly, and looked straight into Michel’s eyes for a moment, before turning his gaze towards the ground again. “I can make people forget. I can make you forget if you want to…”

“No! I don’t want to forget, I–” Michel protested vehemently but quickly cut himself off. He had to stay calm. This boy, this spirit just wanted to help. He didn’t want to offend him, or the Inquisitor, for that matter. “Thank you but I don’t need your help, I am fine. It’ll get better with time.”

“You want to keep hurting?” Cole looked at him slightly confused, then to Solas, as if asking for confirmation.

“It’s alright, Cole. Not everyone needs to forget to feel better in the end” Solas smiled at him gently, putting a hand to the spirit’s shoulder. He looked at Michel and it seemed he was an open book, as the elf turned back to the boy once again. “Could you please leave us alone now? We need some privacy.”

“I can do that” Cole nodded at that, smiled back at him, then disappeared into thin air.

Michel, no matter how many times he had seen Imshael do that, felt like he would never get used to it.

“I’m sorry if Cole upset you. He tries to help but not all people welcome it” Solas said as he walked back to his chair and sat down, taking up his cup. He looked at it with a sour face before taking a sip, then looked back up to Michel. “I do not want to pry but if you want to talk with somebody about what is bothering you, you can talk to me. I can also offer you sleeping draughts, if nothing else.”

“I… Thank you. I’ll remember that” Michel said, smiling at Solas faintly as he too took his seat. “But I don’t want to talk about it. I’m not sure I have much to say, either.”

“As you wish” Solas nodded, then leaned forward. “Then we shall get to work now.”

Their work together didn’t take too long – Solas and the Inquisition scholars only needed his memories of the eluvians, nothing else. But it was enough time to make them sit down every now and then and talk about whatever was on their mind. Michel valued his friendship – after a year of travelling with Imshael being the only constant companion he had, otherwise being completely alone, he welcomed company. The soldiers in the tavern were fun to spend time with, that was true, but they were always looking at him with either awe or desire, and he wanted none of that. The mage simply regarded him as another human being and it was refreshing. Michel couldn’t remember the last time he was only Michel, and not Ser Michel, the disgraced champion.

***

It was a nice, calm evening as they were standing on the battlements, a cup of wine in their hands as they watched the scenery and had some idle conversation to pass time. Moments like this, Michel almost didn’t feel as lonely as usual.

“You know, I’ve been wondering… Do demons really die? I mean, when we slay them” Michel asked after a while, surprising himself with the question that slipped from his lips.

“Ah, well, it’s a complicated matter” Solas said, frowning, eyes still on the horizon. “They do lose their body and cannot regain it as it was. But they may reform in time, in some form. Not necessarily as their ‘old self’. They might change. I… cannot really word it better. A more thorough explanation would involve concepts I’m not sure you’re familiar with.”

“Ah, I see. Thank you” Michel nodded, then took a sip of his wine, and tried to not bring his thoughts too far in a direction he didn’t like.

“I said I didn’t want to intrude but I can’t help but wonder about Cole’s words” Solas said suddenly, making Michel’s guts twist with nervousness. He didn’t want to have to talk about it, about Imshael, and he definitely couldn’t tell Solas about his emotions for Imshael however loose the mage’s views were on spirits and demons. “I don’t know whose death fills you with so much guilt, but I’m sure you aren’t responsible for it.”

“Guilt? I don’t understand…” Michel started, frowning in confusion, but then he realized. The spirit-boy didn’t actually mention Imshael and his words were vague, clearly misunderstood.

“Oh? If it’s not that, then-”

“Although I’m honored you worry about my peace of mind, I’d like to not discuss that matter any further” Michel cut him off before he could even begin, his voice clear and unwavering.

“I understand. I’m sorry” Solas nodded at that, his voice not betraying any ill thoughts for the way Michel shut him down.

They stood there in silence for a few more minutes before Michel jokingly asked Solas how he enjoyed the Winter Palace and found out, much to his astonishment, that the mage actually liked the ball.

***

The Inquisitor came by frequently, nodding to Michel as they met when they both were on their way to somewhere, but they rarely stopped to chat. Michel didn’t want to bother the Herald, if he was needed, he would be notified, otherwise the Inquisitor surely didn’t have time for chit-chat.

“Good day, Michel” the Inquisitor nodded at him, and he, as usual nodded back, saying his own greeting. But the Herald didn’t leave immediately but headed to him instead. Michel stopped curiously, straightening his back. Maybe he would be assigned to a task again? As much as he enjoyed helping the Commander train the new recruits and having some time to himself, he wasn’t used to being idle. “I was hoping to speak to you, Ser Michel, if you have the time.”

“Of course, Inquisitor” Michel nodded, bowing shortly as he looked at the Herald, waiting.

“From what I’ve heard from my people – well, mostly Leliana” the Inquisitor started, chuckling slightly. “You have acquired quite a few friends. My Commander, some of the soldiers, and you’ve been spending a lot of time with Solas as well.”

“Yes, ser. I am glad to say I feel at home in Skyhold” Michel smiled at the Herald, although he felt unsure where this was going to.

“That is good to hear. I’m always happy to hear people find their place” the Inquisitor smiled at him, positively delighted. “I’m even happier that Solas found someone he enjoys talking to, beside Dorian and Cole, that is. He secludes himself and that worries me. I’m fascinated to listen to his stories about the Fade, the spirits and demons and memories he has encountered, but sometimes I feel like he forgets that people exist…”

“Ah? He spends so much time in the Fade?” Michel asked curiously, raising his eyebrows. They had discussed the Fade with Solas before, although very briefly. Michel wasn’t a mage and anyway, he still wasn’t comfortable talking about anything that had something to remind him of Imshael. He was thinking about him enough as it was.

“Yes, well… He is an expert on matters of the Fade, but he barely ever speaks about anything else but spirits. He brought me with himself once, just to explain something to me” the Inquisitor smiled, then looked away. “Anyway, I just wanted to make sure you are indeed alright. I have to be on my way. Good bye, Ser Michel.”

“Good bye, Inquisitor” he bowed before the Herald again, then turned to go to his room as he was left alone. He had a few things to consider.

***

“Solas? May I ask you something?” Michel asked a few days later as they were enjoying a round of chess in Solas’s room.

“Of course” the mage perked up, clearly interested in what Michel would want to ask that needed this much introduction.

“I’ve been thinking… The Inquisitor told me that you brought them to the Fade one time. How does that work? I am clearly no expert but I didn’t know mages could do that” Michel inquired and he was more than curious about the answer.

“Well, it takes practice and power, but yes, it is possible to invite someone to your dream, even if they are not mages” Solas explained readily. “Was that what you meant by your question?”

“Yes, it was” Michel nodded, then bit his lower lip, thinking before moving a piece, although not at all about the step. He kept his eyes strictly on the board as he continued. “So you could, if they asked you, bring anyone to the Fade? If… I asked you?”

“Yes, I could” Solas answered slowly, carefully, frowning at the question, and he too reached out to move a figure. “Why would you want to go to Fade consciously? Not that I can’t see the casual appeal of it, but you didn’t give me the expression of being a man who would ask something like this for the pure excitement of it.”

“Well, yes, it’s not mere curiosity” Michel said with a sigh, knowing too well that he couldn’t keep it a secret from Solas even if he wanted to. But he didn’t. He moved a piece again. “There is something I can’t speak about but… Could you do it for me? Could you bring me to the Fade? There’s... there’s someone I hope to talk to.”

“You know, the dead don’t linger in the Fade” Solas said, his frown deepening at that, and he leaned back in his chair, watching Michel’s face with a searching expression. “Anyone you would find there would only be a spirit, a copy of someone’s consciousness, not actually them.”

“I… it’s not a dead man I’m seeking” Michel admitted, his voice suddenly silent. “But I cannot tell you about that. I’m merely asking a favor of you. If you would do it for me knowing only this, I would be eternally grateful. If you don’t, I’m not going to hold it against you.”

Solas watched Michel in silence, a frown on his face still, deep in thoughts. The ex-chevalier didn’t look up at him, at his eyes, but kept his eyes strictly on the board in front of him as he waited for the answer. Realistically, he knew he should be shut down, but times like these, nothing worked as they should have. He also hoped the mage would agree – that would be the safest and only way of ever seeing Imshael again… Even though he didn’t know what he was expecting from such a meeting.

“Alright. I’ll do it for you” Solas nodded finally, and leaned forward in his chair, reaching for a pawn. “If this is all you’re going to tell me about the reason for it, then so be it. Although I do need a little more information, so that I know where to take you. Other than that, I’m awaiting this trip” he said and took down one of Michel’s figure with his pawn.

***

“This is the place you wished to see. The oldest demons can be found here” Solas said calmly after they arrived in the Fade – well, ‘arrived’ might not be the best word for it as Michel didn’t remember it all, but he had nothing better for it - and his eyes were scanning Michel curiously.

“Thank you” Michel said as he took a few unsure steps forward. This place looked like a rocky plateau, and they were standing in the opening of a circular area that was closed off by rocks. “You said they can reform. But if a demon dies in our world…”

“Your understanding of dying cannot be applied to spirits and demons the same way as to humans, especially not in the case of these old, powerful demons. If a spirit or demons dies in our world, they reform here, having the exact same purpose. They are, if we wish to use human terms, a completely new person” Solas explained. His words made the blood run cold in Michel. He completely froze and didn’t look at the elf.

“So they… they don’t have any of their memories from before?”

“Yes and no” Solas started. “With the old ones, I would say the more appropriate term is that they are banished back, not killed. They have to physically reform, but the change isn’t as much as in mere spirits.”

“Then they can remember?” Michel asked hopefully. He felt like he understood less and less by the second.

“They may. Themselves, certainly, and so most of their deeds. But I have no knowledge on how deep those memories run. They are eternal beings, years don’t matter to them” Solas went on with his explanation, but now stepped beside Michel and faced him with an impatient expression. “But I did what you asked and brought you here. I’m fairly certain you are not about to perform a blood magic ritual to summon one of them into our world, especially after all the time you’ve spent hunting one. So I have to ask – why do you want to be here?”

“I… I want to see Imshael” Michel confessed, looking away from Solas. This was a question the mage should have asked long before, he knew that, yet he didn’t up until now. Michel valued the trust - and showed it with honesty.

“Imshael? The very demon you hunted?” Solas looked at him in surprise. “Why would you want to see him?”

“I love him” Michel answered quickly and closed his eyes, refusing to look up at the elf. “It must seem like I’ve gone mad or been possessed but I assure you I’m fine. It’s just… I don’t know how to explain it. I just- just want to see him one last time.”

“I promised to help you, so I will” Solas started slowly as he was watching Michel. “Until you don’t endanger us, I won’t say anything. It’s hardly my place to judge.”

Michel looked up at the words with surprise. It was unexpected – he didn’t expect the mage to be so forgiving about his feelings towards a demon. Whatever the reason was behind his understanding, Michel was grateful for it.

“Thank you. I appreciate your help” he bowed shortly.

“Go on then” Solas said after a short nod. “It will be your desire for him that will draw the demon’s attention to us and lead him here.”

Michel nodded, then started walking forward, into the rock circle while Solas stayed behind. His heart was beating with fear mixed into excitement at the promise of meeting him again. Something in him that he had believed to be dead for the past months seemed to come alive again, although he knew that there was still a chance of Imshael not remembering him. He was but a mortal, knowing him for barely more than a year – that was nothing compared to the thousands of years Imshael had lived and would live. He had to prepare for the worst, for being attacked by a powerful demon who didn’t remember him. At least he would have Solas to help him.

“Ah, a visitor here? What a surprise!” a deep, echoing voice said suddenly. It came from every direction, filling the place, and Michel looked around, eyes searching the area, the gray surface of the rocks that formed a natural wall around the clearing, but he couldn’t see anything. “We rarely see humans here. They don’t dare to come here, oh, no, they prefer to call us into their world and let us loose there, too afraid to face us here where we have the most power…” The voice seemed to be speaking closer to him but no matter where he looked, Michel still didn’t see anyone. “As if we… as if I couldn’t possess them there. But I see that you are no mage. So I wonder, what are you seeking here – and how?”

“Show yourself first! I’m not talking to a demon lurking in the shadows!” Michel answered, still looking around himself, trying to find the source of the voice. He was starting to get nervous, still unsure who he was talking to. His left hand nervously sought the hilt of his sword, ready to draw it at any moment.

“Choice. Spirit. If you searched for me, you should know this, too” the voice said, slightly irritated – but no longer coming from a distance, no longer echoing, and as Michel turned around, he saw a figure standing there. A small man with dark hair, slightly balding, and a short beard. The form Imshael was in when Michel first saw him.

“Yes… Keep telling yourself that, demon” Michel smiled faintly, relieved that it was indeed Imshael, although he felt as if an icy fist was clutching his heart – the demon obviously didn’t recognize him.

“So… Who are you? And how are you here?”

“My name is Michel de Chevin and… I was brought by a friend” Michel answered the questions with a tightening throat. He wanted Imshael to remember, he needed him to, but so far he was only observed with the curiosity and cold gaze of a demon ready to strike.

“A friend?” Imshael asked, closing his eyes for a moment. “Yes, I can feel his presence. What a powerful ‘friend’ you have… And what do you want from me? I’ll be very disappointed if it’s the usual power, fortune, virgins deal, what with that friend of yours. So far you seem so exciting… It would be a shame if you ruined it.”

“I don’t want to make a deal” Michel stated quickly, straightening his back.

“Oh? Then I’m all ears” Imshael grinned and started slowly circling around Michel, his eyes downright predatory. And although he didn’t have the same appearance as last time Michel had seen him, his eyes, those dark, mysterious eyes were the same and looked at him just as intensely, just as hungrily.

“I just came to see you, to talk to you. I wanted to know if you remembered” Michel explained, following Imshael’s every movement with his eyes. He saw the way confusion mixed into curiosity on the demon’s face at his words, and he continued. “I know you were sent back and I… I wanted to see if you remembered… us.”

“Us? What do you mean…?” Imshael started but trailed off, his eyes glazing over. He was deep in thoughts for a few moments, completely silent, with eyes staring off into the distance, then his eyes suddenly became sharp again and finally focused on Michel. Then he was suddenly changing, his outlines blurred and became solid again – and there he was, the Imshael who had been with him for the past year, the Imshael he had known, kissed and made love to. “Oh, my dear chevalier, still calling me a demon? Should have tried with spirit, the pleasant surprise might have made me remember faster” Imshael grinned at Michel, then started to approach him.

“Wait!” Michel cried as he drew his sword, nervously taking a few steps back, and watched Imshael warily. “Wait. I need to know if I can trust you.”

“Oh, Michel” Imshael laughed at that, shook his head, and with a wave of his hand, he made the man’s sword disappear, leaving Michel gaping at his empty hands. “Your sword here means nothing. Your only defense here against me is your will and I could never break that. So don’t be afraid of me…”

Michel realized that Imshael was right, that he shouldn’t forget that he was in the Fade - so this time he didn’t back away when Imshael stepped to him, gathered him in his arms and kissed him. Instead he wrapped his arms around his neck, pulled closer, and finally decided to forget everything. He was here in the Fade, he convinced Solas to help, he went through all of this just to see Imshael, so he was going to enjoy it while it lasted. He had longed for Imshael’s kiss since he had last seen him and no one at Skyhold could replace him, no one’s touch felt just as right as this now.

“I wish this could last forever…” Michel whispered against Imshael’s lips as they pulled away and leaned their foreheads together, his eyes still closed. His hands were fisted in the feathers of Imshael’s coat, holding onto him tightly.

“You know the means necessary to make that wish true” Imshael replied slowly, raising his eyebrows at the chevalier.

“I’m still not going to perform a blood magic ritual for you, nor am I going to let you kill an innocent” Michel frowned at him, his voice strict, but he didn’t try to pull away from the demon. On the contrary, he rested his head on his shoulder, moving even closer to him.

“Semantics. No one is truly innocent” Imshael countered and Michel could practically feel his smirk, despite not seeing it. He didn’t reply though – he didn’t come here to spend their time arguing over such stupid things. Imshael seemed to be thinking the same, as he didn’t wait for him to say something before continuing. “Why did you come here exactly? If you didn’t want me to go to your world again…”

“I just… I wanted to see you” Michel whispered and squeezed his eyes shut, burying his face into the crook of Imshael’s neck. “After the Inquisitor defeated you… I was so miserable, so lonely, I just… Maybe it would have been different if I were there to finish it, but to only hear from your defeat, I… I’m so pathetic. I shouldn’t have come here, shouldn’t have even wanted to be here.”

“We both did things we shouldn’t have. I let you live, let you flee from situations where I have killed many others before. Answered to your wishes without taking anything in return” Imshael answered, his voice also hushed, and held Michel tightly in his arms. “We both denied our nature and gave in to our desires…”

“Ironic, coming from a desire demon…” Michel chuckled softly.

“Choice, spirit” Imshael replied immediately, out of habit rather than as an actual effort to correct the chevalier, as he sighed after and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “You’re never going to call me a spirit, are you?”

“Not very likely” Michel said with a small shrug, and now they both laughed at that. Then Michel pulled back, looking up at the demon’s eyes, and just watched him for a while without a word. “I… I should go now I think” he whispered in the end.

“Yes. Maybe you should” Imshael nodded reluctantly but didn’t make a move to release him. “So you came here… You came here to say goodbye?”

“Yes. I think, yes” Michel nodded and casted his eyes down, clutching at the feathers of Imshael’s coat. He knew he couldn’t stay, nor could he have Imshael loose in their world again. He knew he had to say goodbye – but oh, he didn’t want to.

Michel felt Imshael slide a hand under his chin and tilt his head up to kiss him. He kissed him back immediately, throwing his arms around Imshael’s neck, and leaned against him, wanting to touch him, to feel him as much as possible for the last time. Then Imshael pulled away, pressing one last light kiss to Michel’s lips before letting go of him and stepping away.

“It was nice to see you again, Ser Michel” Imshael started as he backed away, a wolfish grin on his face that was just a bit too tense to be honest. “May we meet again a dream of yours.”

“It was nice to see you, too” Michel said as well, nodding, but his voice was way softer than the demons – he couldn’t quite put on the act of nonchalance so quickly. He watched Imshael for a while, longing, and he could see the demon’s expression softening slightly, so he turned around and started walking away before he decided he couldn’t.

“I love you” he heard Imshael’s whisper, just loud enough so he would still be able to hear it. He didn’t turn around, didn’t look back, not trusting himself still, but stopped.

“I love you, too” he answered, a smile on his lips, not bitter for once, only sad. Then he continued walking away, out of the rocky circle and to Solas.

“As I saw, it went well. Although I tried not to pry” the elf mage said impassively, neither his voice, nor his expression betraying what he was thinking.

“Yes, it did. We can leave now” Michel nodded, still smiling softly. “How can we leave this place? I, uh… I’ve never been conscious in the Fade.”

“Oh, it’s simple. You’re dreaming” Solas started with a light tone and a smile. “How do you end a dream? You wake up.”

At those words, Michel opened his eyes. He was alone in his room, in his bed. It was still dark and everything that had happened seem so foreign, so unbelievable – but he could still almost feel Imshael’s lips on his own, his arms around his waist, and he knew it was real. He turned to his side on the bed and closed his eyes again, deciding to go to sleep again. He hoped that finally he could sleep without nightmares again.

***

Solas lingered in the Fade only for a few moments longer, casting a curious gaze towards the demon approaching him from the distance.

“Don’t harm him” the demon told him, his tone warning.

“I haven’t meant to” Solas answered curtly, then with a nod, he disappeared – and woke up.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this series!


End file.
